Bill's Views on Most Everything

Hair is part of my everyday consciousness, because I am mostly bald.  It started going when I was 27, plugging the shower drain every day.  I don’t have to worry about now.  I have fun with my lack of hair: men go bald because their brains push the hair out.  There are lots of other bald jokes, most of them dirty.  There is lots of humor about baldness because bald people are trying to escape from their trauma.

It is an ongoing ego blow.  Bald as an egg, chrome dome, cue ball, baldylocks, slick, it goes on.  We are a beleaguered population.  Then there is the discrimination.  It’s mostly unconscious, but people with good hair tend to get selected over the bald.  Just look at today’s  politicians. There are exceptions, but it is a distinct advantage to be telegenic these days.

For example, I once had a boss who was good looking with a nice shock of sandy hair.  When the Water Department was expanding, he was promoted to maintenance supervisor.  He did a fair job at that due to his mechanical skills.  His next promotion was to Plant Supervisor, responsible for running a big water plant with a staff of over twenty.  An affable guy, he did well in meetings and interactions as long as he didn’t have to think.  Problem was, he was only semi literate, unable to compose a coherent paragraph.  It eventually caught up with him and he was lateraled aside into a make-work job and eventually retired.  Good hair will only get you so far.

Look at our presidents.  Eisenhower was bald, but people believed he won World War II for us.  All the other recent presidents had hair.  Our current President, consistent with everything else, has a parody of good hair, wound around his head and dyed yellow.  He is so vain and out of touch with reality he thinks his hair looks good.  Oh, and it is all his.

Hair for women is even more important.  Many older women have thinning hair and go to some lengths to conceal the fact.  Women bald from chemotherapy have their hats scarves, and wigs.  Only a few have the courage to venture forth with a shiny head.  There are women who intentionally go bald.  It’s a guaranteed way to stand out in a crowd.  Also, there are some men who find bald women sexy.  They do have that stubble, however.  If a woman gets a little loopy and takes her hair off, the baldness is the lead headline and photograph.  Britney Spears earned permanent fame for shaving her head.  You have to be crazy to do that, right?

So, be sure to have some sympathy for those of us with shiny heads.  We are another beleaguered and often derided minority.  I often speak to people with really good hair if we can work out some sort of a deal on an exchange but no one has ever taken me up.  Sad.